THE EIGHT BE-ATTITUDES OF MARRIAGE

By Bob Mueller

My wife Kathy and I were married on February 17, 1990.  During our sacramental celebration we expressed to one another and to the congregation our “eight be-attitudes of marriage.”

What really makes a marriage work?  Marriage is far too complex for one simple answer or secret.  For us the following eight be-attitudes express the features of a good marriage.

Enjoy one another.  It is important to laugh, to touch, to pray, to enjoy sexuality, and to make life exciting for one another.  Look for the humor and fun of life.  So many are bored because there is no humor.  See God in the other without expecting your spouse to act like God.

Have the ability to change.  Keep adapting to make the marriage work.  Success in marriage is more than finding the right person: it is a matter of being the right person.  Be open to change and growth.

Have the ability to live with the unchangeable.  You have to know when to holler and when to look away.  We laugh when Rodney Dangerfield gets no respect.  In relationships, it is vital that we give respect and reverence.  In marriage, it’s a must.  There are many elements we cannot control in the other.

Marriage means permanence.  Forever is an ongoing philosophy.  Forever is a long time.  Treat each other with kindness, encouragement, and challenge.  Marriage is the commitment of two people as total persons.

Trust each other.  This is the basis for marital intimacy.  Schedule leisurely breaks for conversation.  There are 168 hours and 10,080 minutes each week.  The average couple only spends 17 minutes per week in conversation.  Share the pleasant and the unpleasant.

Marriage is a balance of dependencies.  It is necessary to depend upon your spouse.  We need to be a mixture of dependent, independent, and interdependent.  Seek to meet you partner’s basic needs.

Realize you have a shared and cherished history.  As a couple you have a real history.  Remember your first date.  Recall your engagement.  Watch your wedding video and review your wedding album together.  Look forward to each anniversary.  Become historical and not hysterical.

Remember that the Lord is always with you.  After our scripture readings we responded: “Thanks be to God!”  On our wedding day we pledged to say “Thanks be to God” every day for the gift of one another.  We promised to pray daily for our life together.

Our deepest advice is not to marry someone you can live with.  Marry someone you cannot live without.  There’s a big difference.  You are made to love and to be loved.